What should I be when I grow up?

I have decided I hate nursing school. I'm not even sure I really want to be a nurse anymore. Honestly, it's depressing and I just don't know I have it in me to do this. Yes, I care for my patients. Sometimes I care too much and it makes me sad. Certain situations just make me want to run home and hold my babies or call my husband and tell him I love him. Life is too short and I don't like the constant reminders. I do realize there are lots of rewards in nursing too, but lately they've been few and far between. So why am I still hanging in there? I'm not sure. Maybe it's because I feel I'm going to let so many people down if I quit now? Maybe it's because I'm hoping that if I do finish and find a job in L&D I will actually enjoy it again? Maybe it's because I don't know what else to do with my life? I don't know, but I'm not doing well in school again. I am trying, but I just don't feel this was the path I was meant to take. I'm ready to be done and I need to find my place in this world. I don't know where it is, but I sure don't feel it's here. :(

*yawn*

I don't know which is making more tired...school, my kids, or the pregnancy. I. NEED. SLEEP.

Lots of new beginnings!

School has started back...for me and the kids. Kyrsten has started junior high. Trenton and Sheridyn are now going to the new elementary school. We have moved and started to settle in to our new home. And I'm pregnant!

Yep, that's right...so far, so good! We transferred 2 embryos on August 8th. I had a blood test at 8dp5dt and it was 49, another at 10dp5dt that was 120, and a third at 12dp5dt that was 266. Today we snuck a peek via ultrasound and we could see one sac clearly. There was another circle I questioned, thinking it may be a twin that's behind. My IM is pretty sure it's not, but we'll know for sure next week when I go back to check for cardiac activity. So yay! Let's hope we continue moving in a positive direction. Oh...the due date is 4/26/11. This was the perfect time of year to get pregnant!

Holy thick lining, Batman!

I had a lining check today and I'm already measuring 9.6 with a triple stripe. (That's good!) Our transfer isn't for another 2 weeks! However, Andrea (IM) is doing really well with her meds too, so there is a chance we could transfer a little early. I am getting super excited!

School is just a few weeks away and I'm trying to get myself psyched up for it. I think I'm ready to face it head on. Hopefully I'll do better this semester than last.

I started my new job last week and I really like it so far. I think it will be a great job for me since I'm PRN and choose when I work. The nurse manager said she'll have enough shifts for me to work full time if I need/want to, so that makes me feel secure. I don't know that I'll be able to quite work that much (see above), but we'll take it a day at a time.

Hopefully I'll be posting about positive HPT tests, ultrasound pictures, and straight As soon!

The roller coaster of life...what a fun ride!

Well my life is happy right now. We got a new van the other day and, for the most part, I love it. There are a few things that need to be made better; but once it's all fixed, I'll be a happy girl. So in the past couple months, we've moved to a new house, sold and bought a new van, and I was hired for a new job.

I finally got a nursing assistant job at the hospital I already work for. I start training Monday and I'm very excited. If I do well and they like me, they're likely to hire me as an RN when/if I ever get there. :) That means this weekend is my last weekend at the hotel...at least for now. I can't say it's forever because I've said that before...and here I sit working at the hotel as I type this.

I also start Lupron on Monday for the surrogacy. I'm really hoping things go smoother for us this time and we actually get to transfer...and have it work! As surprised as I am to say this, I kinda hope it's twins again. Am I crazy? Perhaps. But I have my reasons (yes, there's more than one). I know it's all in God's hands though and He has a plan. We shall see what that is very soon! We are hoping to transfer on August 11th (one month from tomorrow)!

Once the transfer takes place, it seems like life will go back to normal in every other way. School starts for the kids on August 19th and I start back on August 23rd. I don't feel ready to go back just yet. I'm still a little burned out. Hopefully these last few weeks will pull me out of that.

So our life has changed a lot lately...and it seems to be all for the better. Now I'm just hoping we can change my IP's lives for the better soon too.

Time Out

I'm putting myself in "time out." I'm taking off from school for the summer. I'm going to finish what I started with my degree, then I'll figure it out from there. I'm tired of stressing over it all and I'm tired of putting too much on my plate. Let's just hope I graduate come December. That's the first step.

In other news, my surro twins turned 1 on June 8th. I can't believe it's already been a year. We went to their birthday party last weekend and I really enjoyed seeing them and their family. They are such a blessing and I'm so happy I get to be a part of their lives.

As for my current journey, we're hoping to transfer again in August. I'm really excited and have high hopes. If all works as we hope, we'll be due in late April or early May. That's the best time of the year to be due in my opinion...it's not too hot and nowhere near Christmas.

So, until August, I'm on vacation.

Time to regroup and move forward

I haven't posted in awhile because, well honestly, I've been pouting. I needed some time to think, grieve, and regroup. If the canceled surrogacy transfer wasn't enough, I also missed graduating by a few points. I've been pretty hard on myself, wondering how *I* could do so poorly. I'm usually an A and B student and a C is required to graduate. However, my school says a C is 76.5 and I was just shy of that. While I'm so happy for my friends that did graduate, it's been hard seeing all their pinning and graduation pictures and hearing about their new jobs. But now, as I see them begin to really stress while they prepare for the NCLEX, I have to admit it is kinda nice to relax and enjoy my summer. I will get there eventually, but it just wasn't in God's plan for now.

But, on a happy note, I am officially a Sooner! It's been my dream to go to OU for quite awhile and I was recently accepted. Yes, that means I will begin working on my BSN before I even graduate with my Associate's. That's OK...I call it planning ahead. :)

As for the surrogacy, we are planning to try again. As of now, it looks like we'll transfer in July or August...probably August. I think that timing will work well!

While life hasn't quite turned out how I had hoped, I can't complain much. I have a wonderful husband who has been very supportive. I have children who love me in spite of my failures. And I have a wonderful new home that we just love and are thoroughly enjoying.