Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.” - Gail Devers

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Hurry up and wait

So we got the call last week that the surrogacy transfer has been postponed. I'm bummed and I know the intended parents are bummed too, but I know everything will work out like it's supposed to. Looks like we'll be transferring in May now. I was really looking forward to a transfer next week, but I know this is probably for the best. This allows me time to focus on school and hopefully graduate. Besides, May will be here before we know it!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The biggest twister I have ever experienced

So I was driving with my 10 year old son yesterday and we were talking about tornadoes. (After all, it is nearly spring and we *are* in Oklahoma.) Innocent enough, right? So we were discussing the May 3rd, 1999 tornado and this is how the conversation suddently turned:

Trenton: Mom, isn't that the day you found out you were pregnant with me?
Me: Yes, son, it is. Why?
Trenton: Well didn't you already know you were pregnant?
Me: No, how would I?
Trenton: Didn't a doctor put an embryo in your tummy?
Me: Uhhh, well no...
Trenton: Then how did you get pregnant with me?
Me: Well...*gulp* know the "s word"? (That's what he has always called sex.)
Trenton: *turning red* Yes.
Me: Well some babies are conceived like that. BUT...all the surrogate babies I've carried have been put in my tummy by a doctor.
Trenton: *looking puzzled* Oh, OK.
Me: Don't worry. Either David or your daddy will explain more later.

Then I quickly went back to talking about tornadoes.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

No more tears

So God has a sense of humor. Seems every time I have a plan, He has another plan...and this has been the case several times this past week.

We were able to get the deposit money together for the house. However, before we actually had it in hand, somebody else beat us to it. We're pretty bummed, but we're still looking for another opportunity. I just have to get my babies out of this ghetto neighborhood...and the sooner, the better.

As for the test, I didn't do so well again. I've cried a lot of tears this week over it. I'm studying and trying my best, but it's just not enough this semester. I'm really scared I'm not going to pass and graduate in May. Guess we'll see what God has planned here.

As I mentioned before, I'm also planning another surrogacy. The embryo transfer was to take place very soon, but there has been an error with the lab. They're unsure how to thaw the embryos with the way they were frozen at the previous lab. Needless to say, the IPs and I are beyond frustrated and angry that this wasn't thought of before now. We're hoping to get someone from the previous lab to come thaw the embryos for us before transfer, but we're not yet sure if it will happen. We should know something this week.

So, again, God is showing me who's boss and that my plans mean nothing in the big scheme of things. I know He knows what's best, so I'm leaving it all in His hands. I just hope and pray something good happens soon, as I'm really tired of crying. This isn't me and I need to be back to my happy, optimistic self. Perhaps if I just stop trying to plan my life and let God do it, I will be happier.

Monday, March 1, 2010

It's March, the beginning of new things...hopefully.

Things never come easy. School is hard. Work is hard. Life is hard.

We found the most perfect house for us to live in. It's another rental, but that's what we were wanting...just until we're ready to buy. We just want to get out of this neighborhood. The crime is increasing. My kids can't play out front for a number of reasons (speeding cars, suspicious people, etc). We were out of town last weekend and came home to find our trampoline (in our fenced backyard) now has a slit right down the middle of it. It was in near perfect condition when we left. We fear putting up our oh-so-cool (and not-so-cheap) Christmas decorations because we've had them destroyed in the past. And there are so many things wrong with the house itself. We've put in maintenance requests and the manager of the company has come out himself and taken pictures, but NOTHING has been fixed. We've been here 7 years. It's important that we keep the kids in their schools and we found a wonderful subdivision that would work so well. While driving through that neighborhood, people that live there (perfect strangers to us) waved! Nobody does that where we live. So we found this house and went to look at it today. It's affordable AND bigger AND newer than the house we have now. We all fell in love. Problem is: the deposit. We can afford the rent, but not the deposit on top of it. I'm praying that this is meant to be for us and that we will find some way to make this happen. I must keep in mind that God has a plan.

As for school, I'm hanging in there. I had my second test on Thursday and had to miss it due to two sick kiddos. :( I made up the exam on Friday and have yet to find out how I did. I feel pretty good about it, but I felt good last time too and didn't do so well. Hopefully, I'll get my grade tomorrow.

I still have my job and I still love it. I wish I could get more hours, but there's only so much that they need me and only so much I can work with school. I have been applying for nursing positions like crazy, but probably won't hear back until closer to graduation. I just wish I could get an offer as an intern so I could start training and slide right into a job as an RN. But that would be too easy, right?

On other news, we got a new puppy! She's a 6 week old pomeranian named Shadow. She's a little white fluff and looks like a miniature polar bear. We have welcomed her into our family and she's fitting in well. Now if we could just get her to sleep through the It's like having a newborn again!

Speaking of babies...(anyone guess where I'm going with this?)...I have decided to do another surrogacy! I am very excited about this and really hope to help another very deserving couple become a family. I am very grateful to be a part of this and hope that everyone can respect my decision. There will be updates to come...soon, very soon! :)

I can't wait for spring break!