Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.” - Gail Devers

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Time to regroup and move forward

I haven't posted in awhile because, well honestly, I've been pouting. I needed some time to think, grieve, and regroup. If the canceled surrogacy transfer wasn't enough, I also missed graduating by a few points. I've been pretty hard on myself, wondering how *I* could do so poorly. I'm usually an A and B student and a C is required to graduate. However, my school says a C is 76.5 and I was just shy of that. While I'm so happy for my friends that did graduate, it's been hard seeing all their pinning and graduation pictures and hearing about their new jobs. But now, as I see them begin to really stress while they prepare for the NCLEX, I have to admit it is kinda nice to relax and enjoy my summer. I will get there eventually, but it just wasn't in God's plan for now.

But, on a happy note, I am officially a Sooner! It's been my dream to go to OU for quite awhile and I was recently accepted. Yes, that means I will begin working on my BSN before I even graduate with my Associate's. That's OK...I call it planning ahead. :)

As for the surrogacy, we are planning to try again. As of now, it looks like we'll transfer in July or August...probably August. I think that timing will work well!

While life hasn't quite turned out how I had hoped, I can't complain much. I have a wonderful husband who has been very supportive. I have children who love me in spite of my failures. And I have a wonderful new home that we just love and are thoroughly enjoying.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

We'll be waiting for the window to open since a door was slammed shut in our faces.

So the surrogacy transfer was set for yesterday. We drove to Texas Thursday, stayed the night, got up early and headed to the clinic yesterday morning. We were all dressed in gowns and scrubs, ready to go for transfer, when we all got the most unexpected news. The embryologist came in and explained that none of the embryos were viable. We were all floored.

I just have to say that, as a surrogate, it's times like this that are devastating. I set out to help couples rid their heartache and achieve their dreams. Yet there are just some circumstances that I cannot make better...and this was one of them. While I know I will never hurt as much as they do, I truly feel like a little piece of my heart broke when I witnessed yet another challenge tossed before them. We had come so far, only to be right back at the beginning.

I'm not sure where we'll go from here. Obviously, they need time to think, talk, and sort feelings. I know I'm not going anywhere right now though and I'll be here for them when and if they decide they still need a surrogate. Life is so unfair.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

What a pain in the...

Well I took the first PIO injection for this surrogacy journey! I can't believe how nervous I was since I've done this so many times before. Of course, our heating pad is supposedly packed away in the garage since we moved and that played a huge part in my anxiety. The medication is so thick that I depend on the heating pad to help thin it prior to the injection and then again after it's in the muscle. Anyway, I survived! :) And we're now less than a week away from transfer!